Archive | August, 2009

Arm Candy 1 — The Persian Rug Dealer

15 Aug

O.K. so I know it’s wrong, but once the spokesmodeling gigs weren’t happening and I got tired of dating musicians who are one step away from living in their cars, so I went to this Beverly Hills matchmaker (more on her later).

She told me this guy would be different. She also told me to stop wearing my hair big because only gay men like that.

What happened inspired the first of of my “Arm Candy” dating stories. You know, those nights when you feel like the accessory to someone’s dream. It’s always a mistake to seek security. Something my yoga instructor said I think — but he’s very chatty.


Would you like some wine with that role?

3 Aug

So many things to talk about. Namely, I had that bottle of wine at my place with a guy I hardly knew. If you know me you know that Hollywood-types (mostly Valley types) have been using this ploy of wanting to discuss producing my webisodes, promoting my shows, getting behind healthcare reform, etc. any subject they can think about at my place over a bottle of wine. Now this causes me great alarm, because first it means I have to clean my place, second, my cat is very needy, and third, I want to work with people who can actually afford to buy me a glass of wine in a public place.
However I made an exception this week, because this guy was a performer/ improviser/filmmaker who wanted to cook for me. And it wasn’t business, it was just talking about the arts. Plus he was pretty cute. And he says he has a part for me in his movie, which is too high-concept to tell me about, but I don’t have to play a soccer mom, I get to be a dark, funny villain. Someone who gets me!
I did cringe when I said why don’t we meet for a drink and he started facebooking me about how much better cheap beer is. I mean is there no in-between, a middle-ground between a guy who is drunk with power and wants to plan our life together vacationing in Cabo like two retired tourists and a guy who is an artisté and wants to keep things soooo casual, yet passionate?

There’s more of course, but that will be on my upcoming CD…