Millionaire Mismatch

20 Oct

Welcome to Funny Blonde. Yes, blondes can be funny — can you process that? (play on words, my hair is currently overprocessed). I’m Marié Lake, comedic actress, burlesque singer, and filmmaker. Follow this blog as I face the indignities of being a woman in the world of comedy, show business in general, and life in Beverly Hills (adjacent) when you are not a soccer mom and not rich. I was married to an attorney, those were 4 very long months. Now I am trying to do things…differently.

Before I go on about this date, just wanted to remind you I have two cool shows in November. (Busy shooting web series in October).

November 13  @ 8 pm

Hosting Cleo Kings Artist’s Salon

Two Roads Theater

4348 Tujunga Ave, Studio City, California 91604
$5 cover

November 14 The Loft Cabaret (debuting new songs)

929 E 2nd St Suite 105
Los Angeles, California

$5 cover

9 pm

 

O.K. so I caved and decided to try Millionairematch.com. Actually an accupuncturist told me that my life would go better if I would just meet a millionaire to fund my cabaret shows as opposed to, you know, working at it. She was very New Agey and liked for me to have a more expanded view of the universe. Plus she is married to a millionaire so of course wants a buddy.

Anyhoo, the enthusiasm for that idea lasted only a week or two. I felt misled from the beginning. First, someone whose handle was “glamfabulous” contacted or “winked” at me. His profile was full of cooking references and he lived in West Hollywood and I think he may have been a little confused about what he was looking for.

Then a nice doctor contacted me and asked me to take a hike up Temescal Canyon and I had to remind him that 1)my Swedish/Irish skin cannot handle a hike and 2)I don’t disappear in canyons with strangers. My mother taught me well. So after a week of trying to get him to suggest something at more than 10 minutes notice and something I might actually enjoy, he finally asked me to go out to a Japanese restaurant. I overlooked that his profile mentioned he did not want a “control freak woman” because free salmon was involved and he seemed nice enough.
However, within 10 minutes of meeting him, he told me I was a typical West Side woman because I ordered brown rice and then said repeatedly “I don’t know if I can get past this brown rice thing. You are really difficult.” This was the first of many observations that began with “you West Side women…” like I was part of a race.

Then he managed to interrogate me as to why as an actress I don’t live in “Hollyweird.” Then of course the obligatory “how long have you been at this?” with my favorite follow-up “when can I see your act, because I’m a really tough judge of what’s funny.” So as much as I wanted to take my clothes off right there I opted for leaving early and performing at the Westside Comedy Theatre to a cool, literate audience. So the evening was a success after all … and I managed to get free salmon and not ruin my digestion with white rice.

“Hey, thanks for your wink on millionairematch.com. I am a burlesque singer/comic with a crazy schedule. Looking for someone who takes an interest in what I do. If so and my schedule doesn’t bother you, email me with your number.”

–written evidence that I am very clear about what I do with guys who say they want to get to know me.

O.K. at this point my Facebook friends have already warned me about millionairematch.com, but I’ve met a couple of nice guys and it is always refreshing to date a guy without the usual last minute texts I get from entertainers I date, you know the ones that go:

“my car’s been impounded, must be some mistake, can you pick me up? Oh yeah, my paycheck didn’t clear, so can you pay?”

— written evidence of exact text from telemarketer/drummer I was seeing.

So it perturbs me just a little when I have a preliminary phone call with this guy on the site, who seems so nice, open
and successful, and who says he has had read my profile and that he likes it and my my e-mail (above) and he really hasn’t. Instead, Mr. Businessman talks non-stop on the phone about himself and his business (circuits, small appliances, banking, I can’t remember) on the first phone call. Then he takes a breath and he says “so what is it you do?”
“I’m a performer,” I respond.
“You own a store of some kind?

One that sells comedy?”
“I perform at the Comedy Store.”
“No worries,” he says.
Not sure why I should worry. I would worry if I thought the iconic club where legends like Richard Pryor played was an actual storefront. So, as we say in the sales world, I disqualified him.

Finally, Millionaire Match delivered me a great guy to
date. Yes, he is fun, a pilot, positive and showed
up to my comedy. This is more than I can say for the rest
of my friends who have excuses for missing my shows like “I’m waiting for the cable guy.” Now the pilot did veer into the territory that all male friends of mine enter when they come to see my comedy, namely starting to go on and on about some old-school male
comic as if that is pertinent when it is my night to shine, really?

O.K. to some Lenny Bruce is a legend, but do I have to hear about him after I have rocked the room? He had his day. I’m tired of dead people having big career success. Really? But I was a good
girl and didn’t complain. After all it’s one thing to want support, another to be classic narcissist on the first date. You have to reveal that gradually.

Here is a little shameless self-promotion, from my DVD “Real Housewife of Comedy”.

 

Help Marie’ Help Others

11 Apr

Hi there.  I am running a campaign to give back (when you have a rent-controlled apartment and flatiron for your hair, hey it’s time).

Image

So I have chosen to give 15% of the proceeds from my DVD “Real Housewife of Comedy” to Aids Project L.A.  I was at their Oscar Viewing Party and it was so moving when “Dallas Buyer’s Club” received those deserved awards.  Now is your chance to touch the lives of Aids Patients and enjoy some out-of-the-box comedy.

A little more on this organization:

CLICK HERE TO PURCHASE

https://www.createspace.com/341672

APLA is dedicated to improving the lives of people affected by HIV/AIDS disease, reducing the incidence of HIV infection, and advocating for fair and effective HIV-related public policy.

APLA is one of the largest non-profit AIDS service organizations in the United States. Its activities include providing bilingual direct services, prevention education and leadership on HIV/AIDS-related policy and legislation.

CLICK HERE TO PURCHASE

https://www.createspace.com/341672

 

Watch this page to see this how much we raise.  My goal is $5000!

 

 

 

Awards Season Re-Cap and “Trophy Life” TV Sizzle

30 Mar

Hi there, what can I say?  I’ve been away for awhile because I was crashing awards parties, going to Fashion Week L.A. and gigging at clubs throughout the Southland, including Mbar and Flappers.

princesschair1

The big news?  We have funding to shoot “Trophy Life” — the TV pilot.  And we have a name comic to guest star.  More on this later.

 

 

 

Blonderella Unveiled and More February Shows!

7 Feb

Yes, my first “Funny Blonde” photo shoot icon is Blonderella.  See attached pix.  A fan at the shoot said “thank your parents for your gorgeous looks.”  But I just thanked my Beverly HIlls dermatologist, hair person, and M.A.C. lashes.  Enjoy!Image

Sunday February 29th I am part of this amazing line-up produced by Andrea Meyerson (Showtime Specials)

Get ready for takeoff..
The next nonstop flight of first-class comedy departs soon!
BOARDING TIME:
6pm (Early boarding is recommended for dinner and best seats. Please arrive on time for your reservation, as we can not guarantee your table will be held if you are more than 15 minutes late.)
DEPARTURE:
7pm
ESTIMATED FLIGHT DURATION:
Two hours

IN-FLIGHT ENTERTAINMENT:

Marié Lake

PILOT: Andrea Meyerson CO-PILOT: Gayla Johson
Location:
Spitfire Grill
3300 Airport Ave.
Santa Monica, CA 90405
310-397-3455
(Adjacent to the Santa Monica Airport)
No cover charge. Food and drinks available for purchase.

Image

 

Saturday February 15th

Comedy Store Belly Room 10 p.m.

Sunset Strip Baby!

message velvetrouge@yahoo.com for  discounted tix

 

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

Join me at the Laffest Red Carpet Event

11 Dec

GIPfundraiser

 

Happy Holidays…time to give back!

Joining some amazing comics for this Red Carpet Event to raise money for the

Wounded Warrior Project

Monday, December 16, 2013 from 7:00 PM to 11:00 PM (PST)

The Comedy Store
8433 Sunset Boulevard
Los Angeles, CA 90069
Please catch me performing here!…

As always, you can also contribute to a great cause (Life Group L.A gets 10% of proceeds) by purchasing my DVD at https://www.createspace.com/341672

 

Real Housewife of Comedy DVD!

8 Sep
Broken Crown...

Broken Crown…

REAL HOUSEWIFE OF COMEDY DVD AVAILABLE RIGHT HERE

 http://www.createspace.com/341672

As you know I have  a history of contributing to the gay community, mostly by going to the prom with them. That’s when I decided to launch the charity special “Real Housewife of Comedy” in support of Life Group L.A., a coalition of people dedicated to the education, empowerment and emotional support of persons both infected and affected by HIV/AIDS.

he title was inspired by a fan at the Hollywood Hotel (basement gig) who commented “‘you’re just like one of those real Housewives — only kinda’ smart.'”

Next is the launch of  “Cabaret Reality” at  Flappers Comedy Club in Burbank.
Love it if you could come by but if not, please grab a copy of  my  DVD at
Ten percent of proceeds go to Life Group.

Cabaret Reality was a Smash!

6 Sep

Thanks to those of you who came out to Second City to catch an entire evening of Cabaret around Reality TV. Dancers Katie Rose Cunin, Brittany Samson and comic Rick Overton were brilliant.  Show will be moving to  Flappers and then,  yup Edinburgh.Image

Yes I am featured in a burlesque show with the lovely Selene Luna

15 May

Mark your calendars for Sunday June 9 at Akbar where I will be featured singer and jokester in a sultry Burlesque show with hipsters at Akbar Silverlake.  If you haven’t seen it yet, check out my song “Plastic face” live

ImageImage

8 p.m. seating at:

4356 W Sunset Blvd, Los Angeles, CA 90029
» (323) 665-6810 «

 

In the meantime, have dates at Flappers Burbank on June 20 and Monsoon (Santa Monica) on June 27.

 

And I promise, will get you that list of the best ways to lose a roommate.  btw not sure why I still have roommates.  Hmmm

Millionaire Mismatch

17 Apr

Hi welcome to Funny Blonde. Yes, blondes can be funny — can you process that? (play on words, my hair is currently overprocessed). I’m Marié Lake, comedic actress, burlesque singer, and filmmaker. Follow this blog as I face the indignities of being a woman in the world of comedy, show business in general, and life in Beverly Hills (adjacent) when you are not a soccer mom and not rich. I was married to an attorney, those were 4 very long months. Now I am trying to do things…differently.

O.K. so I caved and decided to try Millionairematch.com. Actually an accupuncturist told me that my life would go better if I would just meet a millionaire to fund my cabaret shows as opposed to, you know, working at it. She was very New Agey and liked for me to have a more expanded view of the universe. Plus she is married to a millionaire so of course wants a buddy.

Anyhoo, the enthusiasm for that idea lasted only a week or two. I felt misled from the beginning. First, someone whose handle was “glamfabulous” contacted or “winked” at me. His profile was full of cooking references and he lived in West Hollywood and I think he may have been a little confused about what he was looking for.

Then a nice doctor contacted me and asked me to take a hike up Temescal Canyon and I had to remind him that 1)my Swedish/Irish skin cannot handle a hike and 2)I don’t disappear in canyons with strangers. My mother taught me well. So after a week of trying to get him to suggest something at more than 10 minutes notice and something I might actually enjoy, he finally asked me to go out to a Japanese restaurant. I overlooked that his profile mentioned he did not want a “control freak woman” because free salmon was involved and he seemed nice enough.
However, within 10 minutes of meeting him, he told me I was a typical West Side woman because I ordered brown rice and then said repeatedly “I don’t know if I can get past this brown rice thing. You are really difficult.” This was the first of many observations that began with “you West Side women…” like I was part of a race.

Then he managed to interrogate me as to why as an actress I don’t live in “Hollyweird.” Then of course the obligatory “how long have you been at this?” with my favorite follow-up “when can I see your act, because I’m a really tough judge of what’s funny.” So as much as I wanted to take my clothes off right there I opted for leaving early and performing at the Westside Comedy Theatre to a cool, literate audience. So the evening was a success after all … and I managed to get free salmon and not ruin my digestion with white rice.

“Hey, thanks for your wink on millionairematch.com. I am a burlesque singer/comic with a crazy schedule. Looking for someone who takes an interest in what I do. If so and my schedule doesn’t bother you, email me with your number.”

–written evidence that I am very clear about what I do with guys who say they want to get to know me.

O.K. at this point my Facebook friends have already warned me about millionairematch.com, but I’ve met a couple of nice guys and it is always refreshing to date a guy without the usual last minute texts I get from entertainers I date, you know the ones that go:

“my car’s been impounded, must be some mistake, can you pick me up? Oh yeah, my paycheck didn’t clear, so can you pay?”

— written evidence of exact text from telemarketer/drummer I was seeing.

So it perturbs me just a little when I have a preliminary phone call with this guy on the site, who seems so nice, open
and successful, and who says he has had read my profile and that he likes it and my my e-mail (above) and he really hasn’t. Instead, Mr. Businessman talks non-stop on the phone about himself and his business (circuits, small appliances, banking, I can’t remember) on the first phone call. Then he takes a breath and he says “so what is it you do?”
“I’m a performer,” I respond.
“You own a store of some kind?

One that sells comedy?”
“I perform at the Comedy Store.”
“No worries,” he says.
Not sure why I should worry. I would worry if I thought the iconic club where legends like Richard Pryor played was an actual storefront. So, as we say in the sales world, I disqualified him.

Finally, Millionaire Match delivered me a great guy to
date. Yes, he is fun, a pilot, positive and showed
up to my comedy. This is more than I can say for the rest
of my friends who have excuses for missing my shows like “I’m waiting for the cable guy.” Now the pilot did veer into the territory that all male friends of mine enter when they come to see my comedy, namely starting to go on and on about some old-school male
comic as if that is pertinent when it is my night to shine, really?

O.K. to some Lenny Bruce is a legend, but do I have to hear about him after I have rocked the room? He had his day. I’m tired of dead people having big career success. Really? But I was a good
girl and didn’t complain. After all it’s one thing to want support, another to be classic narcissist on the first date. You have to reveal that gradually.

Can’t say I was as reserved during my earlier adventures this week when I lost patience with a tow truck driver
for not understanding directions of where to tow my car. Not a good idea to piss off your only ride on a Sunday night. Then I lost patience with two Time Warner Cable installation guys to the point of being told that I was violent. To them a woman speaking in a loud voice is considered violent. But that is another story.

The good news is I had a good date, a good performance at the store that sells comedy and very little discussion of Lenny Bruce or Robin Williams or some guy named Shecky that men always like to bring up.

Here is a little shameless self-promotion, from my DVD “Real Housewife of Comedy”.

Video

“Trophy Wife Blues”

26 Mar

From my comedy DVD and “Newfangled Opry” vaudeville show…singing the Trophy Wife Blues.
Catch the Newfangled Opry monthly at the Club Los Globos in Silverlake — a vaudeville show with songs, sketches, comedy and lots of hipsters.
http://www.clublosglobos.com/event/220897-new-fangled-opry-vaudeville-los-angeles/

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